was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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