It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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