i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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