OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
