i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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