Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
