well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
