WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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