Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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