and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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