Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I can tuck mytits in my pants
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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