Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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