I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
