I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
BRING THE BAGELS
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
