He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
dude. I can hear the air.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
