Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
