Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
