I just threw up on my dentist
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
