oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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