You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
