He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Welp...herpes.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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