Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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