My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
