Who did Billy Mays play for?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
