when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
