if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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