so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
