it wasn't lemon gatorade
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
