I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
