This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
