i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
