Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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