so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
