Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
