the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
pop tarts are not kleenex
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
