Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
