did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
