Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
