Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
