at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
