My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dignity is for republicans.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
