sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
