he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
