this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
