you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
