Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
