I hate all girls vehemently.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
