we're blogging at a bar
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
