Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize