my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
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