He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize