Your mouth is God's brothel.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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