Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
