im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
