So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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