I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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