i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
