I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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