i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize