yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
