just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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