My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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