My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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