The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
