I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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