i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize