How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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