I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
