i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
