Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
