What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Randomize
