I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
its liver damage thursday
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
