I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
