Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Someone signed my nipple.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
