Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
