apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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