To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize