I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
