We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
