Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
